“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.” “Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.”
-Daring Greatly by Brené Brown
Fourth of July in the Pacific Northwest. A small coastal home town coming together to interweave the joy of a holiday igniting picnics, laughter and cheer. And as the little sister says, “My favorite holiday.”
The history of the Cannon Beach local parade runs deep. I remember riding my bike as a five year old through it in the 80’s!
Old faces, new friends. Old businesses and new alike! This small town sure knows how to come together for every special holiday!
Freedom is something I am continually grateful for. To love and be loved. To dress how I choose. To express my voice. To explore creativity. To sing out loud! To dance. To play! To enjoy all these beautiful nooks and crannies. There is so much to be grateful for.
Sometimes in this state I come upon a rainbow and remember ‘There’s a pot of gold” at the end of it. Although I’ve never seen one, or really even searched for that pot o’ gold. There’s something about rainbows that ignite and illuminate realizations. Like a bridge from one perspecive to another.
In all honesty, I got caught in a loop of searching for these bridges. How can we connect? How can we heal? How can we/I make this better? All the while working to sever old connections, habit loops toxifying the air, leaning into the new, trying to find better days and better ways.
The rainbows still come. I still wonder about that good ol’ pot of gold but I’m not into chasing it literally or figuratively anymore.
Even PEACE. Even moments of peace where everything felt just right in my life as if I’d been goldilocks tromping through the forest amongst bears I didn’t understand all this time.
“Just riiiiiiiiiight…” ahhhhhh the internal sigh goes soothing into comfort.
And then the saga begins again.
What am I searching for this time? The mind asks.
I panic, um… I don’t know… you tell me! I say back.
Whoopsies. Panic loop. Edging on Existential Despair. (Listen to Jason Silva’s take on existential panic/despair here, here and here).
The move can be so subtle, we don’t even know that we’re in it. Search, Panic, Relief. Repeat. Repetition, repetition, repetition.
The last rainbow I saw came after a visualization. I imagined what it would be like to host a huge gathering of new friends from Santa Cruz right here in the Pacific Northwest. Just a moment, seeing their faces, their delight, their connections with one another. Yes, that’s it. Let’s open to this moment I breathe…
And then I started mowing the field on a tractor again. Up and down each bumpy line. Kicking strands of straw out to the side like a logger spitting dips of chew. Repetition, Repetition, Repetition.
An hour later I walked up to the hill side, complete 360 degree opposite view of the place I’d just envisioned a beautiful gathering, and that’s when the rainbow appeared. Completely encompassing the area I’d just laid out in my imagination. Both ends landing in sight. Not more than 100 yards away. Double ended rainbow… possibly two pots of gold!
I turned looking from left to right, barely having a moment to capture the shot. I didn’t want to move. Just soaking up the beauty. And then I realized that perhaps the truth of the matter didn’t necessarily lay at the start (where I was dreaming from) or the end (a fully actualized dream) but quite possibly somewhere through the middle.
“Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.”
What if I didn’t go somewhere OVER the rainbow?
What if I walked through the rainbow?
What if We walked through it?
Alas, the dreams persist, and the visualizations to pair themselves right along with. I imagine a beautiful world of Love, Freedom and Courage. And the characters I feel connected to the most always show up extending a loving hand, a love that expands beyond my frame of What love is or What love can be. I am continually learning.
“Give Your Love Away…” <3
We share this love and our lessons. We share these dreams and our broken hearts. And somewhere inbetween we find and experience the truth of one another. That tender, strong, still, sudden, subtle voice so deeply embedded within us. Full of Love. Overflowing really.
I become grateful for the people in my life who have stood the test of time. Longer than even I could stand or bare. I am surrounded by people with a resiliency that encourages me to stand a little taller, straighten up my shirt, pull back my shoulders and face each day with a full, open, flowing heart. These people, these loves of mine have brought me here.
“Love is the bridge between you and everything.”
And then… WE DANCE!!!
And we sit in the midst of all of this together.
Always it’s this one who helps to prop me back up. We converse the What if’s. Through the challenges we come back to one another. We imagine our brightest days with each other and everyone we love. We move, we live, we become. <3
All of this to say I am utterly, beyond grateful for the brave people in my life. For how we live. The Freedom to be who we are. For Family, friends, new cohorts and old buddies… There’s a beauty weaving through us. And if I haven’t gotten a chance to let you know personally, Thank You, I Love You. #Freedom #Love #Gratitude