This blog started on a whim. The first post Operating from Abundance went live on October 23, 2014! Naturally I wanted to make a difference in the world. I also wanted to share my story. And most importantly I’d learned through some of my darkest days that creativity can help us out of the weeds.
I was in the weeds four years ago. Reaching for answers. Diving deep within for clues. To learn about myself… What did I really like? What did I really enjoy about life?
Honestly, I’d never spent too many moments up until that point asking myself these questions. I played sports, I went to school, I hung out with friends, I worked, I worked out, I dabbled in research and learning and then it was all on repeat.
You could say I lived through a Spiritual Crisis. A solid foundation had eluded me. Being a gay kid, the ideas that I grew up with through Religion excluded me. Not an easy space for a kid to try and sort themselves out. So, for many years I didn’t try to sort it out. I just ignored it.
In the midst of this Spiritual Crisis, which really set in after my Dad passed away in 2010, I found that I really had only two places to turn. The first was, I could keep asking other people what they thought about my life, what they thought I should do, and either agree or disagree with their answers.
Sometimes this felt good. Other times I just knew it was a bounce of reflection of their perspective and what they were seeing which directly correlated to their own experience in this life. I’d been given bits of wisdom, but nothing that was solid or penetrating my core.
The second option at this time, was to go a journey. A journey of self-discovery or The Hero’s Journey if you will. To finally ask and answer all the questions I’d kept hidden inside or possibly didn’t even know were there. To share my voice, at least to myself for the time being, because some doors were shut so tight inside of me that I didn’t even know what I thought about certain things.
There was no figuring at this point in time, I only needed action. Something I could follow through on every single day. Something that I could show up to. And so, I started writing.
Day after day…
Pages and Pages…
Line after Line…
I let it all out. But more importantly, I let myself IN.
I dove into the depths of my own heart and mind.
What would I find inside? Hidden dreams? Unlocked talents? A grounding torrent of truth?
“Once we realize the extraordinary power we have to compose our lives, we’ll move from passive, conditioned thinking to being co-creators of our fate.”
I did find Truth. I found many truths.
But more important than that, I found a feeling. A feeling of possibility much like I’d experienced when I lost 150 lbs in 2007 and began Paying It Forward by helping countless other clients lose weight and regain control of their fitness, health and well-being.
The feeling of possibility, many would call it hope, some call it dreaming, well, even I call it dreaming. But the feeling was much more stable than a fleeting dream. It had meat and bones to it ya know?
The feeling was more about realizing just how much leverage we DO have in this life when we become an Active Participant or a Co-Creator with the world around us.
And I’ll admit, this is where I start getting a bit lost. The words of Woo either ring with you at some point or they don’t. Regardless of Spirituality, Religion or beliefs there is a fundamental truth that runs through all of our lives: We have the choice to engage in Fitness and Nutrition practices or not. And whatever we choose, or do not choose, will affect our health, which then ultimately affects our Life and trickles to the people we Love.
Every time things get a bit too far out for me I’ve always come home to Fitness and Nutrition. How active am I being? Am I in a program I believe in? Am I seeing results? Do I feel better? Do I look better? Am I moving better?
Are EXTRAORDINARY things happening in my Life without even trying?
When I am on the Path and IN my life by being an Active Participant or a Co-Creator then the answers to these questions are always YES. A deep, resounding, committed Yes. Sometimes it’s so much of a Yes that I don’t even have to say anything because the feeling permeates the actions are visible. The Yes is Vibrating all around me. Hope that’s not getting too Woo Woo for you!
It took so much more than just physical actions to get to this space. It took me learning a resiliency that had to be ignited and travelled deep within my own heart, body and mind. It took a serious and honest look at all of the facets of health in my life: Physical health broadened me into Emotional health, then Mental health, and the one that runs through them all Spiritual health.
I never saw myself as a multi-faceted being until I started writing. Writing broadened my ability to speak with truth and courage. As I vulnerably learned to share my voice, I learned on a deeper level how to listen to and encourage other people’s true voice. In learning to write the truth and honor my truth I have overall become a better listener.
Now, this doesn’t come without a few drawbacks. There are moments, when truth is layered. Or even moments when truth doesn’t come out at all, and this is where I’ve learned compassion. Compassion for younger versions of myself in these same positions, and compassion for those who just haven’t had the moment or the courage to allow the truth within them to arise.
Frustration used to come first for me. Why is everyone wearing all of these masks!? As if people had a choice in the matter. But after years of observation I’ve realized and seen through others actions, even my own, that sometimes we don’t even know that the masks are there. So, how can I be frustrated by something that doesn’t even exist in the realm of realization for another. I can’t, and this is where I allow compassion to take flight.
Grief, a Spiritual Crisis, or even just Daring Bravery can bring insurmountable joy, wisdom and lessons when we engage with it. You get to make the rules. Just like you get to choose the Nutrition that is in your house, your life, your body. You also get to decide how much you want to move, when and where.
These choices, these moments of action, are the participation and activity that can change the threads of our very own lives. The outcomes are dictated by your actions.
Your actions are up to you!
So, how’s that for a Four year anniversary of blogging and sharing weekly, monthly, yearly insights!? Learning how to harness our Destiny and create the most fulfilling, giving, lives that we can with what we’ve got. No one said it would be easy. But we, they, you’ll, I’ll always say,
It was worth it.