Have you ever had one of those weeks where you’re like, WHAT is HAPPENING!? We all have tough weeks. This past week has been really tough for me. If life is two steps forward and one step back… This week has been my step back.
I haven’t been able to move. Something got jammed up and manifested as an excruciating knot behind my right shoulder blade. I couldn’t turn my head, move my arm, or my body without unbearable pain.
I’ve never been physically hurt this badly. It incapacitated all of my movements. But the weird part, is that it’s not an injury. I didn’t push too hard and feel something pop. Nothing tore. It wasn’t an instantaneous onset.
The truth is, that knot, has been there for years. I’ve noticed it affected my movements in various ways. It would flare up every so often, and I’d have to take a week off of bench pressing, but then it would go away and I could go about regular business. Out of sight, out of mind.
This week I was stopped dead in my tracks. Sitting, and/or lying down was all that I could do, and the moments moving from one to the other felt like an eternity that I wanted no part of.
I got scared. I started mentally back tracking.
You know what this could do to me?
I could gain all that weight back.
I’m going to lose all my gainz.
I’m going to lose SO MUCH!
Everything I’ve worked for, Everything I’ve trained for, Gone. I’ll have to start back at ground zero again.
Where is the opportunity when you Feel like that? I had no option, but to just sit in this space, physically. But I finally found the only opportunity that I had, and the only thing I could change, was finding a New Space mentally.
I breathed into it. It was my only move. Literally. Ok, what does this mean? That was too loaded of a question. It’ll lead to trails that never end.
Action. I needed action. Ok, What can I DO?
I sat, and thought about it. Movies playing on the tv. Heating pad on the pain. Journal and pen sitting on the chair next to me. I couldn’t even write and that is one of my favorite things to do.
Life was encouraging me to clear my to do list. I had to Release it.
It was full of…
I need to get up
Make that phone call
Return that text, and that one
Run my business
Make a blog post
Finish my book…
It was like all of those things, those to do’s were based on the day before when I was capable in a different way. Because Now, I couldn’t do any of it, and if I kept basing my goals on the day before, I was going to judge my progress on what I was NOT able to do.
Basically that was my mindset on that first incapacitated day of pain.
So I cleared it. On the second day, I asked from a fresh, New, Perspective, Where is the progress, here, Now, from this point?
Well, yesterday, I couldn’t do anything, except sit or lie down, and think negative thoughts, so today, if I can just get outside for Five minutes of fresh air, that’ll be my step of progress.
And it HAPPENED! And it hurt! But, I made it.
On the inside I was beaming! The fresh air was amazing.
Today, I did it. That little step was my progress. I was able to be ok with that because it was based on exactly where I stood. I felt good. I felt hope. I felt optimistic.
I noticed these feelings shift negatively every time I started thinking about all the things I could not do now. Or, every time I started thinking about all the things I was going to have to do to get back to where I was.
Every time I took a mental leisurely stroll into the past, or into the future, I started feeling crappy.
But every time, I thought about that walk, and that I did it, I felt joy. And while the pain was still there, I felt internal inspiration every time I moved through these joyful paths.
I’ve had an intense year, of lessons, around Presence and Being in the Now, but this one really seems to hit home for me. I really started to see and feel the difference of operating through my head (thinking), and operating through my heart (feeling).
Granted, you need to utilize both. But the action points of How you move and How you feel, will be so much clearer when you make the distinction and the choice to move through your Heart. Each step of progress just revealed itself to me.
The next day of progress was walking a lap around the block. The day after I had to coach class and I had no idea How I was going to do that. But, I knew that if I could just Show Up, that was enough. So I did, and I felt great, I moved more in that hour, than I had in the last 72 hours.
I want to reveal, how much I used to struggle through these operation points by myself. I used to feel so Alone. And if it weren’t for the Love in my Life, the Support, the Care of those around me and closest to me, I would probably still be stuck on Day 1’s mentality of this most recent adventure.
So it is with that sentiment, that I say Thank You, I Love You. Thank You for taking care of me, Thank You for Lifting me UP when I could not even stand up to take care of myself.
Right now, I am on the mend. About 50% capacity. I can move and function within the basics. I’ve learned new things to implement. To refine exactly what the basics I utilize are. I am grateful for this new platform. It is all actually making me feel quite hopeful and optimistic about everything in my life.
I feel like the most important lesson was refining the quality of the space I move from. CENTER.
This actualized itself through the posture I hold day to day. I feel like, when I don’t pay attention, I naturally revert to physically carrying my energy in the knot that blew up this week.
So, if I can transfer that energy consciously into better posture by literally engaging midline stability it will increase the quality of the rest of the actions throughout my whole day. From this centered (present, conscious, aware) space.
And while I know this, I don’t actually do it all the time, except if I’m about to lift some heavy weight or if I am standing in front of a lot of people.
So, do the external mass and volume, dictate my ability to be engaged? Or, am I engaged with this quality when there is no mass, no volume. When I am alone.
Questions to ponder… We shall see.
Two steps forward, and one step back, is still THREE steps. That third step is like a pause button. A chance to reflect and reset so that the next move forward is a clear refined action towards your goals and dreams. Seeing it this way now, is the shift I needed.
Three steps of PROGRESS.
EVERYTHING IS AN OPPORTUNITY.